I haven't posted here in a really long time! I still weigh about the same give or take a few pounds. (Edit: Just weighed myself and i am actually 14 stone on the dot. eep) A year after i last wrote in this blog i did weight watchers for a couple of months and lost almost a stone but of course it is back again.

So I'm here reading those blogs i wrote more than two years ago and its funny but i might try again a bit. Not dieting at all, just... being a bit more mindful. Saying that, i just tried those new Strawberry golden grahams and they weren't very nice. Would it be intuitive to bin them? haha.

I am on the waiting list for CBT to try and help with a supposed eating disorder. I will probably be waiting another 4 months before that therapy starts. I am excited to see what they can do to help me! I might even start writing in my food recording book again. And buy some pretty stickers.

I'm also really badly suffering with depression again following a pretty intense and traumatic miscarriage, so am considering giving this blog a new name and using this for recording all of my thoughts. I think i will do a seperate post about that though... it probably wont sit too well with the "Where am i in my lardbusting ventures two years on?" spiel.

In other areas of my life, i am still working in the same building but now on the 18th floor, so will think to utilise some of those floors as a little workout again as i used to. I am also still with the same lovely adorable boyface except we now live together in a little flat and have a big cat Tyra and a smaller kitten Billy. Its all rather lovely.

So not in a rainy city anymore.... so i might consider the Stephen Fry method? Although with these long night i wont feel too safe wondering around with headphones in.

We will see.

Hopefully i will be back with positivity and more postings before the next two years have passed. Maybe this year I can really get healthy and kick this "eating disorder" in the ass and recover who i was an will be. And hopefully also grow a little baby who wont die but will instead flourish and grow up to love its body as hopefully it's mama will have learned to respect and love her own a little more.

Here's hoping. xx

Oh my god

I bloody hate food :(

Cant stop eating chocolate to disgusting lengths

im going to listen to healthy things and hope something magical will happen...

not in a stupid way. It has to be me. But currently my stomach and mouth are not linked to the same part of me which wants desperately to lose weight.

Especially now my size 18 trousers keep bursting open.

meep

Wednesday is hump day

And today is the first day i can fully say that i feel i have done well with this weight loss caper. Healthy breakfast, soup for lunch, fruity snacks and chicken and veggie stir fry for tea mmm. Also, i went for the power walk with Gemma again today, and took the stairs at a slightly faster pace after work.

I have also starting using one of those free little gadgets on the iPhone, myfitnesspal, and found that it is a kind of motivational thing to write down what im eating. The key i suppose is to not get tooo into it and obsessed with food. Eat healthy most of the time and move more.

But tomorrow I'm doing overtime (only an hour, but still) so i'm going to get a sausage sandwich and a hot chocolate in the morning, and various fruits and veggies to snack on. I'll let you know how i get on.

xx

I admit it...

...today was not such a good day. In fact, it was verging on sheer piggery he he. It didn't help that there was a veritable feast of biscuits and chocolate in the office today. Plus the broken heating system made the office so damn hot I couldn't bear the thought of my warmed up hot soup in a roasting room, so went out at dinner and bought a sausage roll and a bacon and egg roll. Mmm they were lush but ever so naughty. Also had a lot more caffeine. So there you go. I did however walk down the stairs after work (all 17 flights hehe) and also went for a very sweaty walk with one of my colleagues at dinner. God she has some pace!

Also, boringly enough spent most of the evening sorting out laundry again, and then pissing about on iTunes finding different weight loss apps and considering the Stephen Fry workout (aka walking and listening to audio books). unfortunately though i live in a super dodgy area so not too keen on the idea of wandering around all hours with my precious iPhone in pocket. Meep.

I'm also considering joining the gym. At £14.99 a month it really is a super good bargain, plus its open 24 hours a day with showers! I could cycle into work and cheekily use their showers. Very tempting. Will have to see how well that fits in with the budget. And also consider if i would actually use it or just be a naughty little squidge and slope off home to more biscuits!

I'll update tomorrow with some feedback on these apps, if i have any. Also, will have my weigh in on Friday eek! Dont wanna. I might re-start and do like a Monday morning weigh in or something. Morning weigh-ins are kinder to the brain/spirit.

Anyway enough yabbering. I'm off to bed to play with my new apps. That sounds dodgy.

Bye xx

Humph

I just made a really long wonderful post and totally forgot to e-mail it to myself, so I'll try my best to remember. I believe it was sickenly smug as it was pre- mince pie. Anyway, I've had a reasonable-ish weekend, but still feel like nothing is going to happen if I don't follow slimming world. Its very silly. And today i had no coffee. Plus today is day three of no crisps, which is going pretty well. Still sticking at the spirulina and wheat-grass again. Also, i work in a 17 storey building, and have again begun walking down the stairs after work instead of using the lift. I'm going to try and do that every day this week and see how that works.

I could really do with a dead easy workout to do after work, but instead today i decided to make my floordrobe into a wardrobe again, Turns out there weren't that many clothes left which were clean so I've started operation clean my clothes. First wash is in. Who knows, I might even find some paired socks!

It does feel strange to me starting this journey with a boy-face who already loves me the way i am. In a way its wonderful but then there's not much reason to lose weight for him. But i would love to have more energy and feel my body doing what its meant to do, moving about and waking up and not being sluggish.

I'm going to keep on with you anyway blogface. You're a tiny secret point of reference and also motivation. I want to write positive things on here, of how I've done well and things. So, today has gone pretty well with the lack of coffee, and herbal teas a-plenty. I had breakfast cereal with fat-free yogurt, grapes, blueberries and raspberries for breakfast, 4 pieces of bread and margarine and half a carton of Covent garden soup for lunch, and i also had an apple and banana and some dried mango, and also a fruit and nut alpen bar (mmmm) and a mince pie. Not too bad. Its good to have somewhere to write this down. Accountability. Maybe i'll start one of those calorie trackers again. Except they annoy me as i feel that fresh fruit should not be counted. Nor veg. Too full of goodness.

Depression is a shitty thing though. I'm so behind on laundry and my plants are dying. GAH! Its nice to feel my eyes opened a little though now im getting through that mini episode. Like a little piece of plastic wrapping has been removed form my eyes and my emotions. Lovely.

Enough for tonight. Sorry for my randomly fragmented thought blog, blogface. I like it though.

Speak soon xx

Second posting in one day...

... aren't you lucky! So i've started my new start by drinking some rose at the keyboard, bad times. Anyway, i have an hour to kill while waiting for boy-face so i thought i would give a little backstory to this here battle with the flab.

I have a story which is all to familiar with a lot of people who battle with their weight. My battle begun in my head when i was young, at home, being told by my parents that certain foods weren't allowed and they would make me fat. We generally ate very well growing up and always had good skin, and i never had a weight problem at all. However, i have ALWAYS had a super unhealthy relationship with food. Let me give you an example: if my parents were away for the evening and i had to feed myself, i would starve myself all day (weetabix for breakfast, bag of salad and dry crackers for lunch) but as soon as i got home it would be glorious bowl after bowl of sugar covered cereal or a tray with 3 burgers and 10 fish fingers smothered in ketchup (note the lack of veggies!) and i used to crave sugar so badly i would eat icing sugar out of sandwich bags.

Needless to say, by the time i left home and went to University and embarked on my own food shopping trips my meals were largely crisps, frozen dinners and oven chips. Only after becoming really ill and malnourished did i consider fruit and veg. This has continued for the last 6 years (not counting a fantastic blip where i lost a stone with slimming world while living at home one summer. I put it back on, and put on another 2 stone 10 pounds. Fun). I have tried going to diet clubs, but it seems once a week is not enough motivation. So now i have you, little blog box. And with you, im going to try and become more painfully honest than i am myself. I eat far more than my fair share of calories. And i also secret eat. Well no longer. You are going to be my little friend, blogface. You are going to be my little box of shame but hopefully also my little box of glee and happiness and flatterness.

My back hurts. And my head hurts. And im so damned tired. My boobs, however, are fabulous. But this is beside the point.

I want to be a size 16 again. Comfortably. I want to feel thin and lithe and as though if i danced it would be pretty, not awkward. I want to be able to run through fields and dance at Glastonbury. And i want to be able to wear whatever i damn well please and look good sitting in any position. And i dont for Gods sake want to be in that position where im lying in bad with my tummy in agony and hundreds of shiny wrappers are mocking me from the bedroom floor.

I have a couple of good plans. I want to try and keep reading Shauna's blog, and also start listening to some Hypnosis apps on my i-phone (by Andrew Johnson). I'm also going to persevere with the wheatgrass and spirulina and so are super fabulous whole food multivitamin type shizz. And KILL CRISPS. Nastards.

Anywhoo...
off again...
type soon blogface

Love you!
hehe

xx

The Beginning aka No crisps EVER AGAIN aka blob queen extroadinaire

Hello and welcome to exciting times and wonderful experiences while you watch me GETTING FLATTER. Previous attempts have been left half-done and things but now i have been inspired by reading the wonderfully hilarious dietgirl blog by the fantastic Shauna Reid who lost half her body weight and is also ginger and currently resides on the same island as me. She blogs her way through ups and downs of the getting flatter lifestyle and seems to really benefit from it.

Now i think is the time to explain exactly what getting flatter is. It is, of course, losing the excess lady lumps, bumps, chins and tyres. Now the first thing to do would be to look at a motivation. Sadly (happily) i already have a boy-face who likes me just the way i am... so i cannot use him as inspiration. But wait, i can. he has never known skinny me. I don't think he ever will. But i would quite like him to know slightly flatter more confident me.

So here's the thing. I'm going to go upstairs and weigh myself on the bathroom scales. I am scared shitless. And i am going to come back down here and write down the number. So you can all experience my dismay and first day shock and apalledness. and then I'm going to try and come up with a way to fix it. You're all coming with me, internet people. Its going to be an interesting journey, i promise. 

So, damage done, 13 stone 10 pounds. 

Step one is to give up crisps and pizza. Those two sharts are out of my life for now. Might not seem like a big thing to peeps but yesterday my entire dinner consisted of 5 packets of crisps. And today my tummy has constantly been reminding me of this.

So my aim is to get down to 10 stone. I am going to cut down on junk food and try and eat my five a day of fruit and veg, and also eventually bring a little exercise into the mix.

Reasons for losing weight

• Currently classed as obese, so for health reasons, lowering cholestrol and chance of getting diabetes etc
• Feeling confident and comfortable in my own skin
• Feeling sexy naked with boy face
• Not having multiple chins
• being able to breathe after making the bed

I could go on and on but for now, this is just the beginning. Nothing major is going to happen, no dramatic diet plans (i always fall off those) but just good old healthy eating three meals a day don't over-do it and don't cut out anything (besides crisps and pizza). I am also taking spirulina tablets and drinking wheatgrass every day.

So wish me luck. And anyone who happens to stumble accross this page, any advice will be taken most gratefully.

Cheers Peeps

Pipstar xxx